Dating without my prostate: Online dating tips for men
This is the third in a series of guest articles, written by one man 6 months without Prostate, on a mission to live life to the fullest…
I discussed the ways to meet women organically in this article. But if you are busy, travelling, occupied with life’s demands, finding opportunities to meet women organically can be limiting.
So, to increase your chances of finding a partner, I encourage online dating.
If you have not used an online dating website, contrary to popular beliefs, they are not scary nor are all of the outcomes disastrous. So long as you follow some basic rules.
What are the best dating apps for men?
Everyone has a dating website horror or happy story.
Tinder, OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, Bumble, eHarmony, etc. The list goes on with so many platforms to choose from.
If you are new to the online dating game, I suggest you start with the free ones.
My favourite is the mobile app Tinder. It is simple, it does not ask 50 ridiculous questions on your personality, it is free and I use it successfully.
Yes, Tinder gets bad press, and yes if you are 25 years old it is used simply for one night stands (ONS). But for the older age groups, it is preferred for finding a date as it is simple to use.
I suggest that you try a few dating websites and find which one suits you.
If you have the money, you can try the paid dating services like eHarmony. I have not used them but my female friends say that even after completing 100 questions the matches suggested by the website algorithms can still be seafloor bottom dwellers. So it is your choice.
How to write a Dating Profile
To enter the online dating scene you need a profile description and profile photos.
Remember you are selling yourself, so get your online profile right. But do not get too pedantic, as you can update the profile at any time.
Remember, you are selling to a market that has seen every scam and every variation of dodgy profiles. The women you are promoting yourself to are smart and tech-savvy. They can spot a fake! So be honest to yourself and to the women out there for the greatest chance of success.
Dating Profile Picture Tips
Do not do any of the following in your profile pictures…
1. High Viz clothing. (Not sexy)
2. Pictures of you with another woman, even if it is your sister, get rid of that photo.
3. You and the Kids.
4. You, your car, your boat, your motor bike. ( Just ...NO)
5. You holding a dead fish or any sort of deceased prey. (You just lost 90% of your market.)
6. Blurred photos. (Come on, make an effort to get a good photo of yourself)
7. Photos that were taken 10 years ago. (Liar Liar pants on fire)
8. Photos that are taken in the front seat of your car. (Lazy!)
9. Bare-chested bedroom photos. (Gross!)
10. Instagram food photos (this is a dating game, not MasterChef)
11. Landscapes, buildings, sunsets, beaches, llamas, etc. (Your profile is not selling a travel destination)
12. You astride an animal that had no choice in carrying your lazy arse up a Greek island tourist path.
Do this instead…
1. Up to date photos
2. Happy face photos
3. Full body photos (with clothes on!!)
4. Photos of you doing your hobbies eg skiing, marathons, travel
5. You and your pet. Dogs and cats can be winners
Profile Descriptions
When writing your profile, be honest, but you do not need to care all. Do not mention your cancer or your erectile dysfunctional issues at this stage. Remember, you are more than a Penis, so sell yourself.
Don’t make your profile too long nor too short. If you are looking for a relationship, say it. Be honest. Don’t lie about your age. Read the online profiles of women and find the words that match your dating objectives.
TOP TIP: If you have a female friend who is honest and supportive of you, show her your profile. Hopefully, she will give you feedback on what she likes or doesn't like.
What to do when you’ve got a match.
Woooohooooo, even I get surprised when I get a match.
If you obtained a match, congratulations. Your profile worked.
What do you do now? Here is what I’ve noticed in my experience:
In pretty much 99% of my matches, the woman will not initiate a text conversation with you (my female friends tell me this is because they are very wary of men behaving badly).
They will not waste energy on sending you a message just because you matched. So it is up to you to start the conversation. But this is a good opportunity. Unlike meeting someone in a café, your initial message to your new match can be thought through.
Go back to her profile and start your conversation with information based on what made you swipe right on her in the first place. Keep your message simple and short, and do not simply say "Hi"!
How to manage the online conversation
Okay, you have a conversation going, Awesome. Here are some tips to keep it flowing.
1. Don’t swamp her with texts, don’t pry, no pressure, just have a simple text conversation.
2. If you feel okay with the flow of text messages, offer to share your Facebook or Instagram profiles with her. This will make her feel comfortable by showing her that she is talking to a normal person and not some scammer located in a developing country.
3. There are no rules on when you should swap telephone numbers and talk, or when you should organise a date. Every woman is different, some women want to talk to you before they meet, and some refuse to give their numbers out until they have met you. Play it by ear and be the one to initiate a meetup. Women still like men who are decisive and show initiative. If you are hesitant about a face to face, they will think you are married and will dump you quickly!
4. Keep the date simple. Coffee, a beer or wine. Do not suggest having dinner for the first date. I have had women tell me that within 5 minutes of meeting a fresh date, they knew it was going to be a long boring dinner.
What do you do if she doesn’t reply?
Not all matches result in a conversation, so do not get disheartened if she does not reply. It happens and it is disappointing, but life after your cancer treatment will be full of confronting touchpoints.
If you are starting to feel that life is full of rejection and it is getting you down, please talk to someone. I have been there, and I found that a simple conversation with someone who cares can rebuild shaky confidence.
So hopefully you’ve followed some of these tips, you’ve made a match, and you have a face to face date lined up….
But this is where I know it can get really scary.
In the euphoria of matching and chatting you have not forgotten about your floppy friend…
Next, read my post on First Dates and at what stage to raise the curly issues of prostate cancer, erectile dysfunction, and dribbly urine (definitely do not put that last one in your dating profile 😉).