How to make Penile Rehabilitation fun (for couples)
Attend appointments about erection aids together.
One study, called "Eroticization As a Factor Influencing ED Treatment Effectiveness", found that couples who both understood how erection aids worked because they had been to appointments together tended to enjoy them more and use them longer.
They even state at the end: "Our prediction is that when a partner is present and enthusiastic about the ED aid from the beginning, it will be eroticised and have more prolonged utility."
There is a lot to learn and understood when it comes to how erections work post Prostate Treatment, therefore having your partner involved from the beginning is helpful if you want to do this journey together.
Side-note to healthcare professionals…
When a couple come to appointments together to learn about penile rehabilitation, make sure to open up the conversation to other sexual function changes that may be in the partnership.
Simply asking the partner: “and how have things been for you?” can go a long way.
Many female partners I talk to have gone through menopause or childbirth and this can radically change their sexual experiences.
In that situation, you can open rehabilitation up as an opportunity for both members of the partnership to go through their own sexual function journey.
Ultimately, mostly what couples are looking for is that they can still receive and give pleasure together. Coming back to that focus helps keep the process fun, rather than a clinical exercise.
2. Find the joy within intentional sex.
You could see penile rehabilitation as an opportunity to introduce new intimate habits into your relationship now that everything sexual has to be more intentional.
Spontaneity is something many couples wish they could get back after treatment.
With erectile dysfunction, especially after Prostatectomy, a lot more intention has to go into inducing an erection. It can take a lot more of an intentional time and planning.
Within that intention, there's also something that can be gained. When you intentionally plan a great holiday, you've got something to look forward to.
A lot of people hear the idea of planning sex and think it’s more formulaic than sexy.
However, it also gives you a lot of lead up time to start chatting each other up. I’ve heard couples say that knowing they’ve got a date night planned on Sunday means they start chatting each other up on the Thursday, snacking before you go to the main course so to speak!
Roz Baker, who went through the post-prostate journey with her husband Tony, summed this up beautifully in her article: "Why Men After Prostate Cancer Often Make Better Lovers":
"Looking back, I realised that we were happy and contented because we both never stopped chatting each other up in some way or other, so we never fell out of love."
3. Share all the emotions together, even the ‘not-so-fun’ ones.
Of course, it’s not all tango dancing and date nights.
My third strategy might sound kind of counter intuitive to the title of this video, but accepting at times this journey will not be fun - and sharing that together - helps you get closer together and allow better times to emerge in the future.
I meet so many men who come in for an appointment alone because they want to ‘fix’ their erection first before getting their partner involved.
The intention comes from a good place. They don't want to burden their partner with this, or drag them to more appointments. They just want everything to go back to normal before they try and have sex again.
But intimacy is cultivated in sharing something with someone you don’t share with others. While penile rehabilitation is not what anyone wants to be having to do, it can be an opportunity to become closer as a couple. This begins with honestly sharing how things really are with each other, and going on this journey together.